two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
