it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
