I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
