i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
