he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
