Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
