Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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