So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
