oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
