some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
