dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
