my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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