then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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