Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
