cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
