he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
