my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
