just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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