i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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