the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
