omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
