OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
