He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How naked do you want me to be?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
