I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
