Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
