She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
