Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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