The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
