When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
