FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
