Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone says I win the strip club
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
