he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize