Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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