So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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