So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
