we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
