I heard we made out
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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