Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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