you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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