do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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