not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
