found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
