I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I skipped work to stalk him.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
