I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize