Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
