there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
