Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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