She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
