After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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