He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
