Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
