I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
