her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
