"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
