Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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