I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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