He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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