I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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