You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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