You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
