big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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