I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I met the friendliest cop last night
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
