sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
