i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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