Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
