one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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