Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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