she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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